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Twinings Lemon Drizzle Green Tea – WHAT were they thinking!?

Twinings Lemon Drizzle Green Tea - Reviewed by If Teacups Could Talk...Brand: Twinings

Flavour: Lemon Drizzle Green Tea

Ingredients: Green tea, lemon and cake flavouring (4%), natural flavourings, lemon peel (1%)

Caffeine Factor: Caffeine-free

Organic Ingredients: Unknown

Price Range: £2.69

Bags Per Box: 20

Review: Weird, weird, WEIRD. You know that seriously fake-tasting children’s birthday cake that can only come from a box of cheap cake mix? You know what we mean. If you made a cake from scratch, you would NEVER manage to recreate that unique flavour that you loved so much as a child, but now it probably tastes faintly disgusting. We have no idea what goes into those mixes to give them that taste – but it’s somehow in this tea.

It starts in the smell: lemon cake…the cheap ‘yuck’ kind. Like Lemon Puffs: cheap biscuits filled with artificial lemon-flavoured cream. The taste is equally unpleasant: initially fresh, like lemon peel and green tea – then a shocking aftertaste that is just like that children’s birthday cake mix, mingled with a horrible bitterness from the green tea.

This is quite simply one of the most disgusting things we have ever tasted. Why did ANYONE think this was a good idea? When has anyone ever had cheap cake and thought, ‘I know what would make this better: soaking it in green tea!’ Was it someone’s misguided idea to try to get kids to drink tea, not considering that it might keep them up all night? WHO voluntarily buys a whole box of this stuff and happily drinks it?

If you’re reading this, Twinings, there is no excuse for this blend. NO EXCUSE.  We’re marking this one as an AVOID.

Best time of year to drink this: NEVER.

Best time of day to drink this: NEVER.


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Twinings Fudge Melts Green Tea – Boring with a Bad Aftertaste

Twinings Fudge Melts Green Tea - Reviewed by If Teacups Could Talk...Brand: Twinings

Flavour: Fudge Melts Green Tea

Ingredients: Green tea, natural flavouring (8%), natural vanilla flavouring with other natural flavourings

Caffeine Factor: Caffeine-free

Organic Ingredients: Unknown

Price Range: £2.69

Bags Per Box: 20

Review: As you would expect, the smell is fudgy…and sort of green tea-y.  Tasting it, the flavour is almost entirely green tea, with a very faint hint of artificial vanilla that lingers long afterward.  This provides just enough sweetness to take away the bitter edge of the actual tea, although it leaves you wondering what you can do to take away that taste of flavouring.  Then there’s a citric acid-like kick at the back of the throat – a sort of sourness, almost like grapefruit.  Bizarre.

You might have noticed something missing from that description: fudge.  We couldn’t taste it at all.  Far from being the gross-fest we anticipated, this blend is, at best, boring with a bad aftertaste.  You may as well buy plain green tea.  Besides, why does anyone drink green tea, other than to feel healthy?  All that flavouring defeats the purpose.  If you really want a chocolatey drink without the calories, there are plenty of better infusions made with real cocoa shells.

Best time of year to drink this: If you must…maybe winter.

Best time of day to drink this: After lunch.


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Twinings Chocolate Coconut Green Tea – A Bounty Bar with Health Benefits

Twinings Chocolate Coconut Green Tea - Reviewed by If Teacups Could Talk...Brand: Twinings

Flavour: Chocolate Coconut Green Tea

Ingredients: Green tea, cocoa nibs (10%), chocolate and coconut flavourings (10%), natural flavourings, dessicated coconut (1%)

Caffeine Factor: Caffeine-free

Organic Ingredients: Unknown

Price Range: £2.69

Bags Per Box: 20

Review: Another bizarre-sounding concoction from Twinings in an effort to make cheap green tea more palatable.

The smell is intensely sweet, with the overpowering aroma of artificial coconut – like a Bounty bar, full of sugar. There is just the faintest hint of cocoa, and the green tea smell is entirely absent.

Unsurprisingly, the actual taste of the green tea is subtle. This blend is not bitter at all. Happily, it’s not as sweet as we expected, either. There is a faint taste of cocoa on your first sip, but it quickly disappears. And then there’s that artificial coconut flavour, which is not as strong as we thought it would be, but it does linger long after you’ve finished the cup.

There were mixed feelings about this blend. Ginger Tea said, ‘I could drink this – I never thought I would say that.’ Three Tulsi’s son tried it and said, ‘I don’t know why you’d want to drink this.’

So maybe it comes down to how much you love Bounty bars. If they’re your thing, and you’d like the health benefits of green tea without actually having to taste it, then this might be for you.

Best time of year to drink this: Summer, maybe.

Best time of day to drink this: After lunch.


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Twinings Cherry Bakewell Green Tea – Like Drinking Marzipan

Twinings Cherry Bakewell Green Tea - Reviewed by If Teacups Could Talk...Brand: Twinings

Flavour: Cherry Bakewell Green Tea

Ingredients: Green tea, natural cherry flavouring with other natural flavourings (10%), natural vanilla flavouring with other natural flavourings (2%)

Caffeine Factor: Caffeine-free

Organic Ingredients: Unknown

Price Range: £2.69

Bags Per Box: 20

Review: We read out the name of this tea to Three Tulsi’s mother. She said, ‘Ewwww, that sounds disgusting!’ And she’s right. It doesn’t help, either, that it genuinely smells like mould spores, when you brew it – mould spores and marzipan – or maybe a damp dishcloth that’s been left a long time…that was used to clean up after making something with marzipan. (We’re really selling this, yes?)

Thankfully, it doesn’t quite taste like that. It’s almost entirely marzipan (strongly so), and there’s a bit of green tea flavour underneath, but no dishcloth or mould spores. Sadly, no cherry, either. There is strangely no aftertaste, and it has a nice smooth finish. So it’s not as awful as we expected. It’s just…why would anyone want to drink marzipan!?

We offered some to Three Tulsi’s son, who described it as: ‘zingy – not too much flavour, but it’s quite nice…but it’s doing things to my tongue, now…oh! No no no no.’

All in all, if you really love marzipan, this might be a good, healthy sweet treat after lunch to get you through the rest of the day. If (like us) you think marzipan belongs on a cake, not in a cup, maybe give this one a miss.

Best time of year to drink this: Hard to say…autumn?

Best time of day to drink this: After lunch.


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Tesco Finest Apple, Elderflower & Pear – Like Drinking a Cupboard

Tesco Finest Apple, Elderflower & Pear - Reviewed at If Teacups Could Talk...Brand: Tesco Finest

Flavour: Apple, Elderflower & Pear

Ingredients: Apple (50%), apple pomace (16%), elderberry flower (12%), sweet blackberry leaves, chicory root, citric acid, flavouring, sunflower petals, pear pomace (1%)

Caffeine Factor: Caffeine-free

Organic Ingredients: 100%

Price Range: £3

Bags Per Box: 15

Our Review: This is a bit of an odd one, because admittedly, it had been sitting around awhile before we decided to review it.  But the reason it had been sitting around so long was that it it’s not particularly nice.

There isn’t a lot of elderflower (or ‘elderberry flower’ as they call it) in this one.  And there isn’t a lot of apple.  It’s mainly pear, mixed with ‘flavouring’…followed by a strong taste of citric acid…and, in our case, a bit of cupboard, too.  It also smelled like a cupboard.  You know when you’ve just cut the grass, and you put your grass-cuttings-covered shoes back in the cupboard?  That smell?  That’s what this tea was like, for us.

Perhaps it’s a little unfair to judge this one based on one brew after the box had been left so long.  But again, we only left it that long because it is so bland, artificial and unpleasant.  And we’ve accidentally left other blends hanging around just as long, and they’ve never come out tasting quite as cupboard-like as this.  That’s why we’re marking this one AVOID.

Best time of year to drink this: NEVER

Best time of day to drink this: NEVER


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M&S Cranberry & Pomegranate – Even M&S Don’t Want It

M&S Cranberry & Pomegranate - Reviewed at If Teacups Could Talk...Brand: Marks & Spencer

Flavour: Cranberry and Pomegranate

Ingredients: Hibiscus, dried apples, rosehips, liquorice root, lemon peel, cranberry flavouring, dried cranberries (2%), pomegranate flavouring, dried pomegranate seeds (1%)

Caffeine Factor: Caffeine-free

Organic Ingredients: 100%

Price Range: £4

Bags Per Box: 15

Our Review: Three Tulsi’s mother gave this to us, on the grounds that she doesn’t care for most fruit tisanes, but she figured we’d be interested for this blog.  Lesson learned: DON’T ACCEPT PEOPLE’S TEA DISCARDS.

It sat around for a while.  Then one day, Three Tulsi offered to make her husband a cup of tea.  She decided to surprise him with a flavour chosen from the cupboard at random.  She made this infusion.  Her husband took one sip, made a face like he’d just tasted something rancid, and pushed aside his cup, not to be touched again.  Three Tulsi tried hers and did the same.

Finally, we decided to review it for this blog.  We’re not really sure what this smells of, other than disgusting.  As for the taste, there’s an initial yuck, and then it’s very tart.  Then there’s nothing except a slight acidic lingering.  Oh, and a strange taste of sawdust.

It’s worth mentioning that by the time we reviewed this one, the box had gone missing in the process of Three Tulsi trying to get rid of the tea by passing it on to other unsuspecting victims.  All we had was a single labelled tea pyramid.  This led to an extensive internet search for the list of ingredients, but with no results – not just for the ingredients, but for the tea itself.  Marks & Spencer seem to have  erased all traces of this blend from internet history.  That says it all, doesn’t it?  But it’s good news for you: you won’t make the mistake of buying it, because it’s been pulled off the market!

On a more positive note, when we emailed Marks & Spencer to request the ingredients list, a lovely young customer services gentleman came back to us with the answer within two hours.  This response was followed with a request to review his service.  We’ll be giving him top marks.  We will NOT be giving top marks to this tea.

Best time of year to drink this: NEVER

Best time of day to drink this: NEVER


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Teapigs Jasmine Pearls – It Doesn’t Deliver

Teapigs Jasmine Pearls - Reviewed at If Teacups Could Talk...Brand: Teapigs

Flavour: Jasmine Pearls

Ingredients: Green tea infused in jasmine flowers

Caffeine Factor: Caffeinated

Organic Ingredients: Unknown

Price Range: £4-5

Bags Per Box: 15

Our Review: We’ve had jasmine-infused green tea before, from many different brands.  We’ve never come across one that smelled quite this floral.  The taste, too, was soapy – like you’d expect from lavender, not jasmine.  And underneath all that soap, all you can taste is bitterness.

This one doesn’t taste as much like jasmine-infused green tea as green tea with a strange floral hit.  The two flavours don’t really blend like they should – and for that price tag, you’re better off buying a cheaper brand like Pukka.  Their Serene Jasmine Green is lovely, and somehow tastes much more natural than the Teapigs offering.  Alternatively, just find yourself a nice, simple green tea – because this one doesn’t add much.

Best time of year to drink this: Anytime

Best time of day to drink this: Morning


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