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Twinings Lemon Drizzle Green Tea – WHAT were they thinking!?

Twinings Lemon Drizzle Green Tea - Reviewed by If Teacups Could Talk...Brand: Twinings

Flavour: Lemon Drizzle Green Tea

Ingredients: Green tea, lemon and cake flavouring (4%), natural flavourings, lemon peel (1%)

Caffeine Factor: Caffeine-free

Organic Ingredients: Unknown

Price Range: £2.69

Bags Per Box: 20

Review: Weird, weird, WEIRD. You know that seriously fake-tasting children’s birthday cake that can only come from a box of cheap cake mix? You know what we mean. If you made a cake from scratch, you would NEVER manage to recreate that unique flavour that you loved so much as a child, but now it probably tastes faintly disgusting. We have no idea what goes into those mixes to give them that taste – but it’s somehow in this tea.

It starts in the smell: lemon cake…the cheap ‘yuck’ kind. Like Lemon Puffs: cheap biscuits filled with artificial lemon-flavoured cream. The taste is equally unpleasant: initially fresh, like lemon peel and green tea – then a shocking aftertaste that is just like that children’s birthday cake mix, mingled with a horrible bitterness from the green tea.

This is quite simply one of the most disgusting things we have ever tasted. Why did ANYONE think this was a good idea? When has anyone ever had cheap cake and thought, ‘I know what would make this better: soaking it in green tea!’ Was it someone’s misguided idea to try to get kids to drink tea, not considering that it might keep them up all night? WHO voluntarily buys a whole box of this stuff and happily drinks it?

If you’re reading this, Twinings, there is no excuse for this blend. NO EXCUSE.  We’re marking this one as an AVOID.

Best time of year to drink this: NEVER.

Best time of day to drink this: NEVER.


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Twinings Fudge Melts Green Tea – Boring with a Bad Aftertaste

Twinings Fudge Melts Green Tea - Reviewed by If Teacups Could Talk...Brand: Twinings

Flavour: Fudge Melts Green Tea

Ingredients: Green tea, natural flavouring (8%), natural vanilla flavouring with other natural flavourings

Caffeine Factor: Caffeine-free

Organic Ingredients: Unknown

Price Range: £2.69

Bags Per Box: 20

Review: As you would expect, the smell is fudgy…and sort of green tea-y.  Tasting it, the flavour is almost entirely green tea, with a very faint hint of artificial vanilla that lingers long afterward.  This provides just enough sweetness to take away the bitter edge of the actual tea, although it leaves you wondering what you can do to take away that taste of flavouring.  Then there’s a citric acid-like kick at the back of the throat – a sort of sourness, almost like grapefruit.  Bizarre.

You might have noticed something missing from that description: fudge.  We couldn’t taste it at all.  Far from being the gross-fest we anticipated, this blend is, at best, boring with a bad aftertaste.  You may as well buy plain green tea.  Besides, why does anyone drink green tea, other than to feel healthy?  All that flavouring defeats the purpose.  If you really want a chocolatey drink without the calories, there are plenty of better infusions made with real cocoa shells.

Best time of year to drink this: If you must…maybe winter.

Best time of day to drink this: After lunch.


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Twinings Chocolate Coconut Green Tea – A Bounty Bar with Health Benefits

Twinings Chocolate Coconut Green Tea - Reviewed by If Teacups Could Talk...Brand: Twinings

Flavour: Chocolate Coconut Green Tea

Ingredients: Green tea, cocoa nibs (10%), chocolate and coconut flavourings (10%), natural flavourings, dessicated coconut (1%)

Caffeine Factor: Caffeine-free

Organic Ingredients: Unknown

Price Range: £2.69

Bags Per Box: 20

Review: Another bizarre-sounding concoction from Twinings in an effort to make cheap green tea more palatable.

The smell is intensely sweet, with the overpowering aroma of artificial coconut – like a Bounty bar, full of sugar. There is just the faintest hint of cocoa, and the green tea smell is entirely absent.

Unsurprisingly, the actual taste of the green tea is subtle. This blend is not bitter at all. Happily, it’s not as sweet as we expected, either. There is a faint taste of cocoa on your first sip, but it quickly disappears. And then there’s that artificial coconut flavour, which is not as strong as we thought it would be, but it does linger long after you’ve finished the cup.

There were mixed feelings about this blend. Ginger Tea said, ‘I could drink this – I never thought I would say that.’ Three Tulsi’s son tried it and said, ‘I don’t know why you’d want to drink this.’

So maybe it comes down to how much you love Bounty bars. If they’re your thing, and you’d like the health benefits of green tea without actually having to taste it, then this might be for you.

Best time of year to drink this: Summer, maybe.

Best time of day to drink this: After lunch.


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Twinings Cherry Bakewell Green Tea – Like Drinking Marzipan

Twinings Cherry Bakewell Green Tea - Reviewed by If Teacups Could Talk...Brand: Twinings

Flavour: Cherry Bakewell Green Tea

Ingredients: Green tea, natural cherry flavouring with other natural flavourings (10%), natural vanilla flavouring with other natural flavourings (2%)

Caffeine Factor: Caffeine-free

Organic Ingredients: Unknown

Price Range: £2.69

Bags Per Box: 20

Review: We read out the name of this tea to Three Tulsi’s mother. She said, ‘Ewwww, that sounds disgusting!’ And she’s right. It doesn’t help, either, that it genuinely smells like mould spores, when you brew it – mould spores and marzipan – or maybe a damp dishcloth that’s been left a long time…that was used to clean up after making something with marzipan. (We’re really selling this, yes?)

Thankfully, it doesn’t quite taste like that. It’s almost entirely marzipan (strongly so), and there’s a bit of green tea flavour underneath, but no dishcloth or mould spores. Sadly, no cherry, either. There is strangely no aftertaste, and it has a nice smooth finish. So it’s not as awful as we expected. It’s just…why would anyone want to drink marzipan!?

We offered some to Three Tulsi’s son, who described it as: ‘zingy – not too much flavour, but it’s quite nice…but it’s doing things to my tongue, now…oh! No no no no.’

All in all, if you really love marzipan, this might be a good, healthy sweet treat after lunch to get you through the rest of the day. If (like us) you think marzipan belongs on a cake, not in a cup, maybe give this one a miss.

Best time of year to drink this: Hard to say…autumn?

Best time of day to drink this: After lunch.


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Teapigs Jasmine Pearls – It Doesn’t Deliver

Teapigs Jasmine Pearls - Reviewed at If Teacups Could Talk...Brand: Teapigs

Flavour: Jasmine Pearls

Ingredients: Green tea infused in jasmine flowers

Caffeine Factor: Caffeinated

Organic Ingredients: Unknown

Price Range: £4-5

Bags Per Box: 15

Our Review: We’ve had jasmine-infused green tea before, from many different brands.  We’ve never come across one that smelled quite this floral.  The taste, too, was soapy – like you’d expect from lavender, not jasmine.  And underneath all that soap, all you can taste is bitterness.

This one doesn’t taste as much like jasmine-infused green tea as green tea with a strange floral hit.  The two flavours don’t really blend like they should – and for that price tag, you’re better off buying a cheaper brand like Pukka.  Their Serene Jasmine Green is lovely, and somehow tastes much more natural than the Teapigs offering.  Alternatively, just find yourself a nice, simple green tea – because this one doesn’t add much.

Best time of year to drink this: Anytime

Best time of day to drink this: Morning


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Qi Green Tea Plus – Not Great, but Not Awful

Qi Green Tea PlusBrand: Qi

Flavour: Green Tea Plus

Ingredients: Green tea, with a blend of blueberry leaf, pomegranate, red grape seed, hawthorn fruit and dandelion root (43%), plus natural cranberry flavour

Caffeine Factor: Caffeine-free

Organic Ingredients: Unknown

Price Range: £1-2

Bags Per Box: 25

Our Review: This blend smells strongly of licorice and disgustingness – like fake grape juice mixed with green tea – and a little like Ocean Spray cranberry juice.

The taste is not quite as bad as expected, but it’s not great.  It’s odd more than anything.  The ingredients don’t blend well.  At first, all you taste is blueberry.  Then the flavours separate, and you’re left with a bitter aftertaste.

It’s not the worst option, if you want green tea but need a little extra flavour thrown in there…but it’s not amazing.

Best time of year to drink this: Summer

Best time of day to drink this: Morning


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T2 Detox – Like Drinking Glue

T2-LogoBrand: T2

Flavour: Detox

Ingredients: Fennel, juniper berries, stinging nettle, sweet blackberry leaves, lemongrass, calendula, liquorice root, spearmint, rose buds

Caffeine Factor: Caffeine-free

Organic Ingredients: 100%

Price Range: £7.50

Cups Per Box: 40 (approx.)

Review: It smells like kiddie glue – you know, the paste you get in school that the weird kids try to eat, but everyone else knows you shouldn’t.  Maybe that’s a sign that you shouldn’t ingest this tea, either.

There is a strange grainy texture to this one, when you drink it.  Otherwise, it’s fairly watery – though it leaves a strange coating on your tongue afterwards.  We expect that’s the glue.

The actual flavour is a bit like paper, with a faint nettle aftertaste.  We have no idea why there are so many ingredients in this blend, if you can’t actually taste them.  And after somehow swallowing a whole cup of it, we were left dehydrated.

We decided that while this infusion might be good for your stomach, it’s definitely not good for your mouth.  AVOID.

Best time of year to drink this: NEVER

Best time of day to drink this: NEVER


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